We have previously looked at Spiritual Ideology and the importance of examining our motive in what we desire, and in our actions lest we try to  impose our will on others and control them.Now lets look into Control Dramas, or how people impose their will on each other. I have experienced a huge number of behaviours that people will use to control another. By control we also mean the taking of energy from another without giving back. This results in a lack of circulating energy and an imbalance - no balance in the give and take.

No doubt you have seen some amazing lengths that people will go to get what they want. Remember that if the person is 'imposing their will on another' then it is not good energy movement, apart from the fact that it is not respecting the other person. It is said that these multitude of behaviours can be reduced to primarily four.

1. Aloof behaviour where the person withdraws or stops communicating. Very effective actually because the withdrawal of energy means that the other person has to move closer or give in. The aloof player draws the other person closer as their is an energy void that needs to be filled. Guess who fills it? Not the aloof player. When your partner moves away, how many of you try extra hard to please them?

2. Poor me behaviour. This is a favourite of people we often refer to as takers. They will have everyone feeling sorry for them so that others will do things for them that they would otherwise have to pay for. Some 'poor me' players do so because it gains attention. Other poor me players are motivated by the fact that they don't have to expend any energy while others do things for them - laziness. Whatever the motivation, it means that the control drama results in the 'poor me' player not having to give energy.

3. Interrogator. I personally have had very little experience with interrogator types but my first husband (lovely man though) was one. He was a deep man, a very private man. After 17 years of marriage I realised I didn't really know him. I couldn't tell you his favourite colour or colours. When he spoke with people he did not give anything of himself, he simply asked questions all the time. He did not ever criticise me whereas some articles I have read refer to interrogators as being critical. You may get sick of hearing about me. I hope not to bore you with my learning but by discussing ME I am giving energy to you. You are giving it back by reading this with an open mind- so I thank you. The energy is circulating. The interrogator cannot participate like this.

4. Intimidator. I've seen this, usually when one of the three above doesn't work!! The intimidator starts to criticise you, taking away your self esteem and therefore your energy by force. This becomes what most of us would be familiar with in our term 'controlling'. The intimidator will use emotional force, physical force and anything else available to them to reduce you to a 'yes' person against your will. You may come across some other behaviours which come into the categories above. Although I have been watching and studying people behavious since I was 10 years old, it takes more than 1 lifetime to see it all.

I have been told that these control dramas are learned from our parents at a young age and there seems some truth in that, so do look at your parents for your pattern. But also look at other people who have played a large part in your early years. I do not believe that everything in out spiritual learning is 'black and white' and am openminded enough to feel that we will 'mirror' or copy our partners control dramas to maintain our energy or hold onto it. I don't feel that we are achieving anything by doing so, except in the short term. In other words, it is a quick fix but won't stop the behaviour pattern in the long term.

Note that there is a difference between controlling others and guiding children and young people. As mentioned in a previous chapter, young people need much guidance until they learn about respect for others and the consequences of their actions. I have heard it said that the most difficult and responsible job in the world is the one for which we require no qualifications or training - parenthood. I would agree. As a parent we have the incredible task of being balanced in our control of our children whilst treating them as individuals and allowing them to express themselves as such. Congratulate yourself on your achievement if you are a parent. If you are reading this then I believe you are also capable of putting an end to the patterns we drew from our parents, that they drew from theirs. And I sincerely wish you all the best of light energy if some of those patterns are abusive.

So, are you aware of your control drama? Possibly not. It is often easier to identify them in others before ourselves. Why would you bother to identify your own? One good reason is that energy stolen from others will dissipate quickly and you will spend your life looking for another victim. Internally you will living in sorrow and not dealing with the fears and pain that keep you in this cloud of negative energy. Gee, there are heaps more.....do you love your family? Do you want to hurt them anymore?......

In my next article I will discuss some of the ways of dealing with the control dramas of others you come into contact with..and your own if you so wish to do so. I look forward to our next positive energy exchange.